tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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