It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
