When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
