Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
