Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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