I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
