U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
