After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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