just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
