ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
