Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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