Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sobbing to NWA
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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