I just gift wrapped bread.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
