If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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