just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize