dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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