half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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