I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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