dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
