matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
