I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
