I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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