just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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