last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
