there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
