You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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