Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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