I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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