Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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