addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
