I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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