my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
