check it out our google latitudes are spooning
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
