she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
