This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
