god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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