Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
