his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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