He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
