??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
