eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
