doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
