if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im part way to drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
