At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
