You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
