Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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