Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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