Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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