So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
