Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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