A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
