rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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