I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just pee around me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
