her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
