dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
