How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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