you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
