just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What a dumb baby whore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
