Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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