Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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