She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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