Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
