were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
