12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
