I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
