I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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