I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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