Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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