did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
