You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
