What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
