I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My bed smells like the plague
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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