Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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