the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
